How to Support Someone in the Hospital

My mother recently spent a week in a hospital near my house, after experiencing complications from an ongoing illness. Thankfully, I could visit her every day.

I tried to make her feel cared for — and even build a little excitement — by doing small things. My mom loves to eat so, every morning, I texted her three menu options for dinner. I put fancy toiletries in her bathroom and sent her podcast recommendations. (Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s podcast, “Wiser Than Me” was “a hoot,” Mom said; “Marry Me Chicken” was her favorite dish.)

Being in the hospital can be scary. Even the nicest ones have bright lights, beeping machines, and well-meaning doctors and nurses who poke and prod you. My goal was to make my mom’s stay a little more homey. And research suggests that a more comfortable environment, like one with reduced noise and homelike touches, can affect a patient’s sense of well-being.

My experience with my mom inspired me to ask experts for more advice on how to make someone’s hospital visit more pleasant. They had great ideas, but make sure to run anything ambitious by your loved one’s care team.

Give them things that bring comfort.

Ask your loved one for any requests; perhaps a favorite robe or a quilt, said Dr. Ada Offurum, medical director of the physician advisory group at the University of Maryland Medical Center and assistant professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine.

She also suggested a few specific items: a pair of slippers (with treads, because floors can be slippery), and earplugs, or an eye mask, because hospitals can be bright and noisy.

The air in a hospital is often very dry, so patients might appreciate hand lotion, face cream and lip balm, said Tami Minnier, a nurse and chief quality and operational excellence officer at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center.

Ask if a pet can drop by.

Some hospitals allow quick visits from four-legged friends, so ask about those policies, Minnier said. If pets aren’t allowed, it might be possible to “put your mom or dad in a wheelchair and take them right outside” to see their companion, she said.

Some hospitals offer pet therapy at no cost, she said, which has been shown to relieve anxiety in patients. “They’ve been trained as visitors, and they have a little I.D. badge, and they come and make rounds,” she explained.

Keep visits brief (and surprise free).

Run the names of potential visitors by your loved one, because people can feel vulnerable when they’re ill, Dr. Offurum said. They may not want their private matters discussed with someone they’re not close to, she said.

And keep visits brief, said Minnier, unless the patient requests otherwise. She recommended 15-30 minutes. During longer visits, “they may feel like they need to entertain people,” she said.

If the patient is mobile, willing and needs to build up strength, ask for a nurse’s permission to take them on a brief walk around the hallways, Minnier said. “Mobility is one of the most important things to help a person’s health,” she said, and it “is so often forgotten in hospitals.”

Build anticipation.

Finding things that a patient can look forward to can raise their spirits, said Jennifer Mensik Kennedy, an assistant professor at Oregon Health & Science University School of Nursing and president of the American Nurses Association.

If you have family that live elsewhere, she said, arrange a chain of phone visits. “You can say, ‘Uncle Fred is going to call you at 2, and your cousin Mary is going to call you at 3,” Kennedy said.

At the end of one visit with my mom, I gave her a pile of gossip magazines and scratch-off lottery cards. “Something to do later,” I said.

Not much later, I guess. I had barely gotten into the elevator when my mom texted me, “I won five bucks!”

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