I Bought a House. I Got a Neighborhood.

My new house was already worrying me, and I hadn’t even moved in. The problem wasn’t all the work it needed, though the wood floors hadn’t been properly cleaned in decades and the kitchen appliances were relics of the 1970s. Renovations would be costly, sure. But the trickier issue, by my estimate, would be relations […]

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I Used a Slur for Accuracy When Repeating a Joke. Why Is Everyone Upset?

My son is a comedian. When his comedian friends come to my town for gigs, I put them up. Recently, I hosted a Black friend of his — I am white — and we talked about a famous Black comic. I paraphrased one of the comic’s jokes that impressed me: A TV censor allowed the […]

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Why Does My Grandson Think I Should Pay Him for Missing Our Family Vacation?

I am treating my family to a special vacation in Alaska. My grandson, 28, and his wife are unable to join us; they are expecting a baby soon. I’m sorry they can’t come, but I was shocked when my grandson asked me for a cash gift equal to what I would have spent for them […]

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20 Years at 30,000 Feet: A Flight Attendant Answers Readers’ Questions

As a flight attendant who has been on the job for 20 years, it’s easy to take my travel insights for granted — the little tips and tricks that make the journey smoother. But after watching so many passengers miss important events this summer because of airline cancellations and delays, I knew I had to […]

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How Do We Get Rid of Our Teenage Daughter’s Gun Safe?

Our 15-year-old daughter is very headstrong. She’s never been in real trouble, but she bristles against rules and authority: curfews, homework, appropriate clothing — you name it! Recently, she exploded when her younger brothers discovered her journal in the family room. Now, she keeps it locked in a heavy black box she found at a […]

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Punctuality Is Having a Moment

In the last few years the comedian Mike Birbiglia has emerged as a kind of spokesman for the virtues of punctuality. In a Netflix special, “Thank God for Jokes,” he asks the audience members to clap if “you’re a late person.” Amid the applause, he says, “What late people don’t understand about us on-time people […]

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Do We Need to Thank the Wedding Guests Who Didn’t Give Gifts?

My husband and I got married in Palm Springs in October. We live in Los Angeles and encouraged people to come out for the weekend. Apart from the wedding and reception, we hosted a welcome party on Friday and a farewell brunch on Sunday. About a third of our guests did not give us a […]

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How Do I Tell My Neighbor to Stop Tending to My Lawn?

Our retired neighbor has been sneaking onto our yard to weed and do other yardwork without our permission. At first, we were confused by magically improved areas of our yard; we mow and use a weed whacker, but that’s about it. The mystery was solved when I came home early from work one day and […]

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Do I Really Need to Tip for Drip Coffee?

I managed to get past my annoyance at the tip jar that appeared one day on the counter of my local coffee shop. (Tipping for what? Pouring coffee? Handing me a muffin?) But apparently that wasn’t enough. Now the proprietors have added a “tip screen” to the credit card payment process, reminding me to pay […]

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My Son and My Husband Are Fighting. Help!

My son (29) and my husband (his stepfather of 20 years) had a tense and unproductive argument two months ago, during which my husband refused to hear my son’s side or let him respond. Afterward my son left the house abruptly and said he wouldn’t return. My husband still focuses on the content of their […]

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I Refused to Switch Seats on a Plane — Twice. Was I Wrong?

I am an organized person. When I travel, I book my flights well in advance. This usually lets me claim my preferred seat: on the aisle in the bulkhead row. I have long legs, and those seats tend to provide more legroom — not that I have to justify myself. This brings me to my […]

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Must I Keep Reminding My Adult Son About Family Birthdays?

I have three grown sons, all married with children. The wives of the older two meticulously observe every family birthday and milestone event with cards and gifts. My youngest son didn’t marry until his mid-30s. While single, he often neglected these occasions. I would remind him about them, particularly for his young nieces and nephews, […]

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