Your Partner is Ignoring a Health Issue. Now What?

When I received a notice from my doctor to schedule my first colonoscopy, I put it off for nearly two years. I didn’t relish the idea of bowel prep, and I was nervous the procedure would hurt.

As the months rolled on, my husband pleaded with me to make the appointment. I ignored him, so, in desperation, he enlisted my no-nonsense mother.

“Hey there!” she hollered at me over the phone. “You know what’s worse than drinking laxatives for a day? Cancer!”

Many experts — both psychologists and primary care physicians — told me that they see this a lot with couples: One partner refuses or delays dealing with a health problem, and it makes the other frustrated and resentful.

Those neglecting their health can feel judged as “lazy or careless or indulgent or risky,” said Alexandra Solomon, a clinical psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.

Meanwhile, the other person can come off as, “I’m sitting over here with my apples and my bananas and my annual mammogram,” she explained. “It’s you that’s the hot mess.”

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