If you hear “grinding” and picture a group of 13-year-olds gyrating to “Get Low” in a shabbily decorated gymnasium, here’s a refresher of what the word means outside of a middle school dance: Also known as dry humping or frottage, “grinding is any solo, partnered, or multi-partnered play where pleasure from pressure—not necessarily penetration—is at the forefront,” Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, New York-based psychotherapist and host of The Wright Conversations podcast, tells SELF. The friction grinding creates can feel great for pleasure-seekers of all bodies and genders, she says.
For starters, grinding can provide the clitoral stimulation that around 70 percent of vulva owners need to orgasm, Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, psychotherapist and expert at SXWA, a sexual wellness award platform, tells SELF. “The external portion of the clitoris is extremely sensitive and often responds pleasurably to pressure,” she says. Grinding can also indirectly stimulate other hot spots:, “The G-zone may be located beneath the pubic bone, but it can be activated by applying pressure to the pubic mound, creating an intensely pleasurable sensation,” Berkheimer says. People with penises can get in on the fun too, she explains, especially if they’re uncircumcised—the motion moves the foreskin up and down in a way that (you guessed it) feels amazing.
The best grinding sex toys can level up your solo or partnered sessions. They’re designed to be ridden, humped, or rubbed against, says Wright. Some vibrate for even more pleasure on top of the pressure, Berkheimer adds. Others are textured, “which allows for further teasing and stimulation of areas that could be missed by a broad sweep of smooth, non-textured toys,” she says.
Below, we found great grinding sex toys that experts recommend and reviewers love. There’s truly something for everyone.
What should you look for when shopping for a grinding toy?
Tentacle-textured toys, palm-shaped vibrators, mountable pads—grinding sex toys are as varied as the ways you can use them. To find the one that’s right for you, sex educators recommend keeping the following criteria top of mind as you shop.
Material
Your grinder should be made from a nonporous material so you can easily clean it before and after each use, says Finn. The most common nonporous sex toy materials include medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, borosilicate glass, and ABS plastic.
Worth noting: While using lube can help your body slide more comfortably against a toy (for a little more “wow” and a little less rug burn), keep in mind that silicone-based lubes can’t be used with silicone toys. The material sticks to itself, explains Finn, so combining the two can wind up warping the shape of your toy.
Design
As Wright puts it, “So long as they are made from a body-safe material, there are no bad or good grinding sex toys—just toys that will meet your specific needs and toys that won’t do that as well.” If you’re looking for something you can hold in your hand, you’ll want to opt for a palm-shaped vibrator: “These toys will feel like a vibrating extension of your own body,” Berkheimer says. Meanwhile, if you regularly get off by humping a pillow, consider getting a grinder that you can secure to another surface. And for a toy you can wear under a strap-on, you’ll need something that’s designed to go over the base of a dildo or under your harness.
Vibration and texture
Some grinding toys vibrate, while others have textured surfaces—and a few picks on our list have the best of both worlds. The right choice ultimately comes down to you and your partner(s)’s personal preferences. If you enjoy a lot of friction, look for a bumpy, uneven toy—tentacle suckers, ridges, and ripples are key.
Prefer speed and intensity? Look for a vibrator. You’ll want to check the number of settings and the type of stimulation (is the toy buzzy or rumbly?) to make sure you’re getting the most bang for your buck.
These picks will add some buzz to your bumping and some ‘gasms to your grind.
Best Overall: Rocks Off Ruby Glow Dusk Massager
Rocks Off
Ruby Glow Dusk Massager
Pros
Compact and cordless
Ridged texture
Budget-friendly
Cons
Batteries not included
Not very quiet
The Ruby Glow Dusk has a unique “scooped-out” shape that enables it to fit the contours of your body, says Lisa Finn, sex educator with sex toy store Babeland. One end features raised ridges, while the other is smooth and provides constant contact against your vulva or perineum (depending on the angle of your pelvis). Oh, and the whole toy buzzes, thanks to two motors that move independently, Finn adds. combining
Compact and portable, this grinder is great for pleasure-seekers who are intrigued by ride-on sex machines (like the Cowgirl or Sybian), but who don’t have the space or budget to try them, says Finn. It’s also far more affordable, ringing up at under $100.
Shiny, sleek, and sophisticated, the Le Wand Point was built to fit right in the palm of your hand, says Finn. What sets it apart from other palm vibrators is its material and power. “The top half of the toy is made from silicone, while the bottom half is made from a gorgeous, body-safe stainless steel,” they say. The heavier steel end allows the toy to provide more pressure than an all-silicone option, they add.
The Point also has an intuitive display that makes it easy to use and adjust with one hand. “There are three, well-labeled buttons that enable you to explore the 15 vibe modes and six intensities without having to break contact with your skin,” Finn says.
This pebble-shaped grinder is designed to nestle in the palm of your hand, inside your underwear, or beneath a strap-on. One side of the one-inch-thick Dune is flat, which helps it stay in place, while the other has a sculpted ridge in the middle—you provide the pressure. I like wearing this simple sex toy under a harness with the textured side against my skin (the extra texture is a huge plus during pegging and other strap-on play).
I’m also a huge fan of the Dune’s silky silicone. There’s no other way to put it: It’s literally marshmallow soft. The incredible squishiness helps the grinder move with your body, rather than work against it (as can be the case with toys made from harder materials).
Best Vibrating Grinder: Cute Little Fuckers Starsi Vibrator
Cute Little Fuckers
Starsi Vibrator
Pros
Long battery life
Easy to use
Waterproof
Cons
Lower-intensity vibration
Cute Little Fuckers is a queer- and trans-owned company known for making vibrators in playful shapes (there’s even an octopus-shaped butt plug). As is the case with all of their toys, “Starsi’s whimsical shape isn’t just for cuteness points,” says Finn. Rather, “it is designed to provide a wider variety of sensations and textures, which makes this a great external vibe and grinding toy, no matter the shape of your bits.”
There are tons of ways to use the Starsi, according to Finn. Use any of the six flexible starfish arms to provide pinpoint vibrations against your clitoris or nipples.. Or, “you can also put the toy in your palm, press the toy against your body, and allow the textured surface area to stimulate you,” they say. You can even flip Starsi over and grind against the smooth top. “You can decide how powerful the vibrations are, based on how close to the motor you grind against,” Finn explains.
Best Fantasy Grinder: Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder Silicone Grinding Toy
Uncover Creations
Tentacle Grinder Silicone Grinding Toy
Pros
Can be strapped to a pillow
Incredibly textured
Waterproof
Cons
Doesn’t vibrate
You’ve probably seen a sex toy or three that’s inspired by a penis—but tentacles? Consider this: Texture can feel good (like, really good) on your genitals, and there are few surfaces quite as uneven as the underside of an octo-arm. Simply slather these suckers with a water- or oil-based lubricant and slide your erogenous zone of choice up, down, and all around its surface.
Another bonus: If you like to masturbate face down, this grinder comes with two long black nylon straps that have easy-release buckles, so you can strap it to a pillow, a hand, or a partner’s thigh.
For people who enjoy strap-on play, Bumpher is a must-try. The company makes lots of non-vibrating, silicone covers that fit over the base of most dildos. The barrier provides a softer cushion between your pelvis and the dildo—as strap-on play can lead to bruising and discomfort for some—while also giving the wearer a little extra something to grind against.
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