How to Keep Your Relationship Fun

My husband, Tom, and I have a series of hand signals that we use when we’re out together. When I shoot him a meaningful look and stroke my chin, that means “I have a piece of good gossip for you.” A discreet tug to my left earlobe means “time to go.” (Although, now that I’ve given it away, this gesture will be retired.)

Secret signals might sound like something from middle school. But they’re also fun.

When you’re an adult, playfulness may not always feel natural. But play helps you cope with stress and increases your life satisfaction. It also helps people in relationships feel closer. Playful behaviors like humor, banter or flirting can also remind you of the early days of your relationship, said John Kim and Vanessa Bennett, a therapist couple who wrote “It’s Not Me, It’s You.”

But playful relationships don’t always happen organically, said Roslyn Ashford, a licensed professional counselor in Mississippi. You have to invent or search for these moments of fun, she added. Here’s how.

Cultivate inside jokes.

Research has confirmed what we intuitively know: Humor is a key element of adult play. So look for small opportunities to add a little levity throughout the day, said Gaya Kodiyalam, a therapist in New York City.

You can cultivate your own lighthearted language, Kodiyalam said. She and her husband have so many nicknames for each other, she said, they rarely call each other by their given names.

They’ve also developed a series of funny rituals. The couple have a special morning hug they call a “waggle.”

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